Spell Saab

In between late night gigs with my band and traveling with my family and friends, does my whole vibe scream that I am so desperately trying to bear a child?

Just a short while after getting married, I went to a get-together with some college friends. Jim was catching up with his friends who were smoking outside, I stayed inside with two girls both of whom were newly engaged. They asked me when they were to expect my baby. When I told them that I wasn’t thinking of having any until maybe 3 or 4 years they looked utterly shocked. I asked them, “Oh, are you planning to have a baby right away?” One of them nodded with a look in her face that said MALAMANG. The other said, “Well.. Yeah, I guess.”

In every family reunion and wedding I attend, I’m often asked if I’m already pregnant. I get offended because I immediately think they’re trying to say Laki ng puson mo, girl. But I know it’s just their way of saying We’re excited for you to have a baby! I’m not going to wash my hands clean of this “tradition.” I’ve gotten so accustomed to it as a topic for small talk that I’ve used the, “O kayo, kailan na?” line more than once. Believe me, I threw up a little whenever I did. I’m so sorry if I ever asked you that question. Please know that I didn’t mean to pressure you.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the average time between tying the knot and having kids in the United States is about 3 years. So maybe it’s not such an absurd thing to wait. To me, having a baby is not just cutesy baby photos and sweet, sweet kisses from my little siopao-cheeked child. It’s 18 years of my life that I will have to dedicate to a human being. I mean, fine, I’ve dedicated my life to Jim when I married him but he’s a grown up! I don’t have to make sure I don’t drop him when I’m feeding him or remind him to look both ways before crossing the street.

To everybody who has asked me when I plan to have a baby, I know you’re just excited and I really appreciate your show of support. I don’t find it offensive at all! To everybody else, like this CHILD who left a comment on my Instagram…

IMG_2003

I blurred her photo and username so people don’t attack her online. I guess I’m a lot more mature than I used to be. What do you know, maybe I am ready to have kids! LOLJK! But thanks for getting me riled up enough to write a blog post today. Sure wish her mommy had given her more attention.

Some people thought I got knocked up and that’s why I was getting married at only 26.

Can you believe?? A 26-year-old getting married?? WHO EVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING???????

It’s been over a year and that poor burger-pizza hybrid in my stomach that people mistook for a baby is now gone. I obviously wasn’t pregnant, I was just a little chubs. And right now, Jim and I are still not trying to have children. It’s a choice we both made and I respect other couples for choosing to have kids right after marriage, too.

I just need people to stop being so jaded thinking it’s the only reason people get married—so they can have children.

Some people still get married plainly because they’re in love and they only want to make burger-pizza babies for now.

♥,
Saab

Saab

125 Comments

  1. Reply

    Roxx

    May 31, 2016

    Way to tell them, Saab! :)

    I have the same way of thinking too, I don’t really plan on having kids until after 2 years (or maybe 3, who knows!) of marriage. Glad to know I’m not the only one out there.

    P.S. Your blog has inspired me to write more often. haha Please keep those posts coming!

    • Reply

      Saab

      May 31, 2016

      Thanks!! Wish I wrote more often as well hehehe :p

  2. Reply

    birdy

    May 31, 2016

    Love this Saab! We have the same sentiments! :) Saka di ba masaya na kayo lang muna ng asawa mo after you get married, enjoy din muna yung moment na magkasama na kayong dalawa lang. Mag-travel and do more crazy stuff together. :D

    • Reply

      Saab

      May 31, 2016

      Diba??

  3. Reply

    Charie Valerio

    May 31, 2016

    I SERIOUSLY LOVE IT WHENEVER YOU BLOG YOUR VIEWS. You never fail to disappoint because you always have a point. WHAT. Haha. Stay in love, Saab! <3

    • Reply

      Saab

      May 31, 2016

      Hehehe thank you, Charie!

  4. Reply

    Cj de Silva-Ong

    May 31, 2016

    Dearest Saab,

    We both got married at 26. And I must say, I also get almost the same comments/remarks. I’ve even heard once, “You’re just 26. Sayang.” Wait, why, how come? I told them that my reason to get married was pretty simple: Everything was clear to me. It was out of love.

    Thank you for writing this. :-)

    To add, getting married and having a child are not causal. Having a child is a huge responsibility. It requires a certain preparedness as an adult human being. TBH, if people need a license to drive, I think there should also be a license to be a parent. :p

    I’m proud of you and your bravery.

    • Reply

      Saab

      May 31, 2016

      Agree with the license idea!!! So many people are unfit to be parents. :(

  5. Reply

    Gel Prado

    May 31, 2016

    Way to go, Saab! You don’t really have to explain it but sharing your thoughts says it all. I look up to you eversince. Goodluck!! ???

    • Reply

      Saab

      May 31, 2016

      Thanks!!

  6. Reply

    Malen Manipon-Reyes

    May 31, 2016

    I, too, got married at 26 and i have been asked those questions a lot. I just keep answering them with “Masaya pa ko sa mga pusa, plus hindi ko nga magastusan pusa ko to get everything, sa bata pa kaya”. :)) For me and my husband, we’re not trying but it will come if it will. But for now, brb, gotta go get more cat food!

    • Reply

      Saab

      May 31, 2016

      Exactly with my Joey Bear!!! Naka-nebulizer nga to ngayon dahil sa ubo eh :(((

      • Reply

        Malen Manipon-Reyes

        June 9, 2016

        Di ba!!! Mahal din pag pets pa lang. And for now, naiisip ko pa lang kung magkano mabuntis, magpacheckup, manganak (!!!), gatas, diapers, school, luho and all— Nasstress na ko. I am not ready. We are not ready.

  7. Reply

    Pearly Jane

    May 31, 2016

    What is up with that comment… I’m single but thinking of the future, I also don’t want to have babies yet and would just want to enjoy with the husband first. Hihi eh hirap kasi, society is too traditional esp here in PH. Oh well, keep being you, miss Saab! I really admire you :)

    • Reply

      Saab

      May 31, 2016

      Thank you!:)

  8. Reply

    SJ

    May 31, 2016

    My cousin is 21 and will be married na because they would like to do a lot of things together, and my Auntie and Unlce don’t bother AT ALL. I think it’s not by age, its by how sure you are to someone. And they are not thinking of having child pa right now. Tsk. Potty mouth ng girl. I can sew her mouth if you want, hahaha!

    P.S, I love how amazing you are especially in dealing with this kind of manner. Haha! ?

    • Reply

      Saab

      May 31, 2016

      Thanks and best wishes to your cousin :)

  9. Reply

    Riz

    May 31, 2016

    Hi Saab! Thanks for posting this! It is such a relief to know that I am not the only one who has this kind of mindset. Stay being cool and fab! God bless you! :)

    • Reply

      Saab

      May 31, 2016

      Thanks!!

  10. Reply

    Jeanea

    May 31, 2016

    Love this blog post! Love you for being so genuine always. Seriously just love everything about you, gurl. <3

    • Reply

      Saab

      May 31, 2016

      Thank you very much!!

  11. Reply

    Augustin Ra

    June 1, 2016

    I appreciate couples out there who take time slowly and plan it all out. I love it when they would think to focus more on the goals they wanna achieve as a married couple because life having children have a lot of responsibilities to face and it focuses more on different feelings. There are couples out there who couldn’t have their own ‘us-time’ because of their kids. I hope people would be open minded about having a family and focus on the time as hubby and wifey first rather than to have this shallow reason of having kids right away.

    I love this post. This is truly an eye opener!

    Have a nice week, Ate Saab! ?

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      I just learned this morning how to blowdry my hair. I’m still learning things about myself. Chozei!

  12. Reply

    Mary

    June 1, 2016

    Oh no, pasensya na ah isa kasi ako sa mga mapag tanong but im younger than you.

    Siguro kasi tintry lang naman gumawa ng way para may topic to converse on. Di ko naman alam na ma hhurt feelings niyo
    Dibale, hindi nalang

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      Hope you read my blog post :)

  13. Reply

    phengy

    June 1, 2016

    GO TELL THEM, GIRL

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      ?

  14. Reply

    Lian V

    June 1, 2016

    Hi Saab!
    wag kang papadala sa pressure! Sa totoo lang gusto ko batukan yun mga tao naririnig ko na nagsasabi “gusto ko na ng baby!” as if ganung kasimple lang yun na parang bibili lang ng kendi. i have a son & it’s a very BIGGGG responsibility. Don’t get me wrong, isa ko sa mga nae-excite makita ang mga lil Jim and lil Saab in the near future, pero i agree na di MUNA dapat mag-anak. i support you. enjoy life. enjoy Jim. Everything has its own time. mwah!
    ♥ Lian

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      Thanks, Lian!!:)

  15. Reply

    Karen

    June 1, 2016

    Good read! I really admire you saab <3

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      Thank you!:)

  16. Reply

    Slimer

    June 1, 2016

    Glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks that way. Got married a year ago (I’m 24 btw) and people were shocked when they learned that we don’t have a baby yet. Someone even told me, “May asawa ka pero wala kang anak?” My hubby and I love kids and we want to have our own but not sooner. Its our choice cause we still want to do many things that a couple with a child couldn’t.

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      NAKAKAINIS TALAGA YUNG MGA GANYANG TANONG!!! I support your choice!

  17. Reply

    Aika

    June 1, 2016

    I was married at 24 and people thought I was pregnant even if my boyfriend and I were together since high school!!! 8 years isn’t long enough for people in love to decide to get hitched??? Now that we bore a child, some Titas (newly introduced) ask me if I’m married and for how long, they only breathe a sigh of relief once they learn that we’ve been married for 3 years. Haaay, society talaga!

    If I write this eloquently as you do, I would have already written this piece after I got married.

    Enjoy married life Saab and Jim! God bless to you both! :)

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      It’s really crazy. Haha! Congrats on the baby!! O, kailan na yung next? JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. Reply

    chloe

    June 1, 2016

    I support you and your burger and pizza babyyyyyy <3

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      Yayyyyyyyyyyy burger and pizza for everybodehhhhh

  19. Reply

    K

    June 1, 2016

    I actually envy you, Saab for getting married at 26! Gusto ko din sana but poorita pa kami ng BF ko lol. And if ever we get married 2 or 3 yrs from now, di din namin plan to have kids asap kasi we want to go on adventures together muna, esp that we’ve been in a LDR. Tsaka na ang baby kung maging annoying na ang husband ???

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      Hahahhaa good luck with your plans!!<3

  20. Reply

    Lyra

    June 1, 2016

    29 na ako. Grabe! Nakakairita nga pag nagkikita kami ng mga kasal na at me mga anak na kaibigan ko puro nalang sila O! tanda mo na kailan ka magkakaanak nasa edad kana dapat magka anak ka na niyan! Pakiramdamam pa nila napaka mature na nila pag me anak na.
    Medyo nawalan nga akong gana sa kanila dahil puro pagaanak nalang ang topic at parang saling pusa lang ako porket ako lang ang wala pang anak sa kanila.
    Ang lagi ko namang sinasabi pakiramdaman din kung gusto mo nang maging nanay hindi yung dahil lang sa nasa edad kana o kasal kana.

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      Yes!! I don’t understand the “MAGTH-THIRTY KA NA” pressure! It’s like, GIRL WALA NAMAN AKONG PLANO MAG ANAK NG SAMPU. Relax lang, pwede?

  21. Reply

    Pat

    June 1, 2016

    You tell ’em! And hey, it doesn’t get better after you do get a child, as then the questions will become “when will you make a second/third/nth?”. As if it’s the be-all and end-all of women. (Excuse my being Bitter Ocampo haha).

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      Ugh. Looking forward to that. NOT!

  22. Reply

    Inez

    June 1, 2016

    What also annoys me is the commenter’s close mindedness and insensitivity to infertile people. ALL CAPS PA EH. Just because someone is infertile, does not mean they cannot have children. Hello, 2016 na po.

    Hay. More power to you, Saab!

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      TRUE!!!!! PARANG WHAT IF BAOG PALA TALAGA AKO, NAKAKATAWA BA YUN??

  23. Reply

    Harriette

    June 1, 2016

    You know, 26 is actually an ideal age to get married. I don’t get why other people say it’s still early or bata ka pa. If you were 22, maybe! Pero yung 26, 27, come on. It’s the perfect age. (Wala lang, two cents ko lang. Haha)

    And to that girl who commented in your IG. Wow. :/

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      Yun nga, I think kasi mukha akong 22 kaya ganon… YUCK PINRAISE YUNG SARILI!! Hahahaha!!

  24. Reply

    Angela Fernando

    June 1, 2016

    Saab, I still feel like you’re under 25 palang! Hahaha. I’ve been a fan and reader of yours for so long. I also want to do that when I get married – wait for a while and enjoy being a couple first. Having a child is easier said than done. And once you have one, your life is completely changed forever! Kaya pwede namang hinay hinay lang… I love you!

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      Exactly!!

  25. Reply

    Jullian Robin Sibi

    June 1, 2016

    Kudos to you Saab!

    Only you know when or if the right time will come. :)

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      Right!:)

  26. Reply

    Amethyst Jude Olonan

    June 1, 2016

    THIS BLOG POST, Ms. Saab!!!! I have the same ideals about marriage! Practically speaking, eto yung first step for an “effective” family planning, lalo na ngayon sa ‘Pinas. (Sana, lahat may ganitong prinsipyo)

    I’m 23 and I want to get married mga 26 din, bsta di na lalampas ng 28. Anyway, nakakalungkot lang na 2016 na nga, madami pa din ganyan mag-isip pag dating sa “maagang” pagpapakasal. IMO, as long as the two of you are responsible enough; committed sa isa’t isa , and are both ready to face the highs and lows of life as ONE. Gora! Wala yan sa age, actually nasa maturity yan.

    And dun naman sa pagkakaroon ng (mga) anak, choice na ng couple yun. Sabi nga sa isang comment, it is a huge responsibility. Kelangan ng holistic approach sa parenthood and I guess, all of us just want to be the “best” parents for our (future) children.

    PS: Kebs na lang, Ms. Saab!!! Hahaha Awra-han mo nlng mga ganyang comment. <3

  27. Reply

    Da Dominguez

    June 1, 2016

    SAVAGE!! Hahaha and I don’t even know how those people (who doesn’t even know you personally) think they get a say in your life. *rolls eyes*

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      YUP

  28. Reply

    Kaye

    June 1, 2016

    I’ll say something potentially annoying.
    A few days ago, there was this doctor talking about having children. She said that if you have a kid at let’s say, 35, your egg cell is 35 years old, that is to say, it isn’t as healthy if you had it earlier. As opposed to the sperm which is always fresh, so if a 63 yr old man impregnated a 22 year old, the kid would most likely not have health problems. Don’t get me wrong, i dont have kids and I have no intention of having one (at 27) because i believe i can not handle the responsibility. my cousins have kids, i dont hate them, but when my cousins cry out for help because they can’t have “me time” or can’t sleep, i know in my heart i can’t handle that. Now, when i heard what the doctor said, i thought, well too bad for me, because i won’t be having one anytime soon.

    i don’t know how you would take this and how reliable that doctor on TV is, but, i thought i’d just share.

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      Thanks! But I’m really in no hurry. If my eggs have expired by the time I’m ready then maybe I’ll just get another puppy :)

  29. Reply

    Reese

    June 1, 2016

    Thanks for writing this. My father once told me that asking a couple if they’re pregnant already or when they plan to have kids is a very personal question. For some reason, that stuck with me so unless the announcement comes from the couple themselves, I try not to ask. I’m also recently married myself and I’m really tired of having relatives ask me that at every party, reunion or get together.

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 1, 2016

      Good lesson from your dad!! Congrats on recently getting married :)

      • Reply

        Reese

        June 1, 2016

        Thanks! Sino nga ba nagsabi na marriage = instant kids? Lol.

        Always enjoy your posts, Saab. Keep writing! :)

  30. Reply

    Kate Ivy

    June 1, 2016

    One of my fav. Hehe happy-ng happy ako sa blog post mo na’to! Sobrang on point. Anyway saabae, as I always call you, you’re still the blogger I knew you were before kaya naman di na ako magtataka kung boplax yung nagcomment sa insta account mo. *insert pasensya sa word* but really saabae, you don’t have to explain yourself. If people don’t get it, pake niyo! Buhay nya toh! Ganoin! Hahahaha Luvz yu saab since hs days. Hihi

  31. Reply

    Ella

    June 2, 2016

    Agree ako sa iyo! My boyfriend and I are planning to settle maybe 4 years from now. Im 24 and he’s 23. Sabi namin we’ll have a baby maybe 2-3 years after getting married. Para daw siya muna ang baby. Haha. And the thought of having a human being inside me freaks me out. And the thought of being married. Haha!!! Kakilabot. Maybe because we’re still ‘young’ for it. :) Anyway, people especially the younger generation, nah, EVERYONE must be reminded of the value of respect.

  32. Reply

    Jobs

    June 2, 2016

    Thanks for writing this post. I’ve had the same issue and received the same comments for at least a year before I got pregnant. Like you, my husband was even accused of being baog because they perceived that were having a difficult time to conceive. What they don’t know is that prior to getting married we agreed not to have children for at least a year so we can give ourselves time to adjust from being bf-gf to being a married couple. And the sad thing is that we can’t share this to anyone, including our families, without being judge for being selfish or whatever. But all throughout, my husband reminded me that their opinions don’t matter and that he respects my decision, despite all the hurtful words and allegations. After a year, I felt I was ready to have a kid and God blessed us with 1 that were expecting to arrive soon. So I’m really thankful to have read this because there were times already that I was feeling sorry for having made the decision to wait longer than what society expects. But now, I truly feel that this baby is worth the wait :) Thanks Saab!

  33. Reply

    Kristina

    June 2, 2016

    So.Much.This. I support you 100% as I’m on the same boat. I dislike people asking me about it but now they no longer do because my answer had always been “I don’t even know where I’m moving to next year lol. I am not settled nor ready”. I chose to get married not to have kids but to share my life with my other half. Kids will come in due time :)

  34. Reply

    Camille

    June 2, 2016

    Yes! My fiance and I aren’t planning on having kids immediately. Like you and Jim, we plan on to take our time and enjoy our married life as a couple for at least a year. I know I’m going to get asked this because I’ll be thirty by the time I’ll be married, and as you know, the biological clock will be a-ticking! Also, it’s super rude to ask a couple when they’re having kids since it’s such a personal question. For all they know, that couple they’re asking are already trying but having a hard time conceiving, which will make them feel even worse. LOL. People!

  35. Reply

    Jonah

    June 2, 2016

    Hi. First of, you’re my inspiration, fitspiration, and your relationship with Jim is truly one of those #relationshipgoals.

    I am sharing the same scenario whenever i’m with my relatives, friends, even officemates, since I’m turning 29 this year and I am married for about 5 months already.

    The truth is, we don’t have plans of having a baby yet. The second (sad) truth is I’m undergoing medications since I have problems with my ovulation and my uterus. Alam mo yung feeling na pag tinanong ka, minsan ayaw mo sumagot, or sasagot ka ng nakangiti ng “tsaka na pag may itlog na ako”.. Buti nalang my husband is very supportive and understanding of my situation. Minsan sya pa yung napipikon at sasabihin saken wag nako sumagot. Siguro nga kase iba yung tingin nila satin mga babae dahil sa “Calendar chu-chu” concern ng matres natin.

    But I believe (and laging inaaffirm ng husband ko) na it doesn’t matter kung may baby kami or wala, we’ll still enjoy our marriage. And if God wants us to have kids, He’ll give it to us in His perfect timing, following His own terms. :)

    Lastly, I found this article, might want to share this to your followers also: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nadirah-angail/mind-your-own-womb_b_10236292.html

    Keep on writing Saab. Aside from my emails, blog mo unang-una kong ioopen sa umaga. :)

    <3

  36. Reply

    Luti

    June 2, 2016

    Love you!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

  37. Reply

    Louisse

    June 2, 2016

    My boyfriend and I got married when I was 34 even though we’ve been together since college! Believe me, I’ve had my fair share of questions na “kelan ang kasal?” Soon after, of course, the inevitable “kelan kayo mag-aanak? Tumatanda ka na, mahihirapan ka na nan.” comments came in. Then, 18 months after we got married, I gave birth to twins. Now they’re saying “o quota na kayo ah.” The comments will always be there no matter what you do. I’ve come to understand that most of the time, it’s just people wanting to make small talk but not realising how rude they come off.

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 8, 2016

      UGH YES PLS ENOUGH WITH THE SMALL TALK huhuhu. Also, HOW FUN ARE TWINS??

  38. Reply

    Jewel

    June 2, 2016

    I totally agree! I have married friends for 3 years now and still they don’t have a baby. Guess what? They just put up a little resort in Siargao and surfing everyday! Geeez! :D Living the life.

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 8, 2016

      Oooooh I also have a friend (not married) who opened a yoga resort in Siargao!! Hehe wala lang. Planning to visit soon :)

  39. Reply

    Louieanne

    June 2, 2016

    Hi Saabae! im one of your silent reader and i can really relate to the topic that’s why im putting off my shynesss and post a comment today. <3 i was married at 28 and until now at age 31 we still did not bless a baby. me and my
    husband are soooo way pressured from society even to our most closest relatives. but hearing what you have to say on this matter gave a whole new perspective. Time will come in God's most perfect timing but for now we'll just have to enjoy the "just the two of us" set-up. God Bless!

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 8, 2016

      Aww thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment <3<3 God bless you too!

  40. Reply

    Gigi

    June 2, 2016

    BAKIT BA KASI HINDI NA LANG MAGHINTAY? Excited lang bhe? Relax ka lang jan! Naalala ko lang sarili ko before. Yung time na 18-20’s old pa lang friends and batchmate ko may mga asawat anak na. Tapos yung mga banat na “hoy! Anong petcha na mag asawat anak ka na rin, nahuhuli ka na.” (Ano to te, contest?) kairita lang yung tanong. btw thanks for updating your post blog. God bless you and your jim ?

  41. Reply

    jakii

    June 2, 2016

    I’m 25, a year to go and I’m ready LOL JK! :D Thank you for writing agaiiiin! I’m always refreshing your blog when I’m at work (oops) because I want to read stuff that make sense (or make me happy, have an idea at :D ) enjoy being married and when the child comes, CHEA-ldren’s par-T-y. hahaha (korni..huhu) Godbless to you both for being inlove and rocking it!! :D I love you both huhu and your band

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 8, 2016

      HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA omg hindi ko alam pero natawa ako sa effort ng CHEA-ldren’s par-T-y huhuhuuhu

  42. Reply

    ACPEE

    June 2, 2016

    Ma bitch-slapnga yang echoserang ng comment sa IG mo!

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 7, 2016

      LOL

  43. Reply

    Bea Sacdalan

    June 2, 2016

    WAG KA MUNA MAG BABY PLEASE :(( Hahaha, kidding aside, it’s okay that both of you (Jim) are having fun with each other’s company. No need to rush things that are worth the wait. I love you always! <3 :)

    P.S.: Giveaway soon, yeah? Hihi

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 7, 2016

      ANG DAMI MO NAMANG HINIHINGI SA AKIN!!! Charot!! Sige sige! Books, you like?

  44. Reply

    Yen

    June 3, 2016

    I love this! I asked my now husband when we got engage if we could wait for 6 months after we got married before trying for a baby because I really wanted to enjoy our marriage first. Thankfully, he agreed! We kept quiet about our plan during reunions and vacations even when people kept on asking if I’m already pregnant. Three months after our wedding, I felt something and imagined myself carrying a baby and I knew then that I was ready and it was time for us to be parents. It was a huge decision for us to wait but I will never ever regret it.

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 7, 2016

      So you have a baby now? Congratulations!:)

  45. Reply

    A

    June 5, 2016

    Agree with you. Sometimes nakakairita na. Some of us got married not to have a baby right away, but because we were in love. Isn’t it enough? We are happy or maybe we can be more happy if we have kids, who knows? People should be more sensitive sometimes, specially if it’s obvious that the couple is not very open about it. Hehe #hugot

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 7, 2016

      I get baby fever everytime I see a cute kid and then I go home to Joey and we’re all good for now :)

  46. Reply

    Yana

    June 7, 2016

    Hi Saab!
    yay i liked this post! im 24 now and my bf and I will celebrate our 3yrs together on Sept.
    I love your perspective about marriage.
    We used to talked about our future and same as yours we want to enjoy ourselves first together ?

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 7, 2016

      <3

  47. Reply

    Mina

    June 7, 2016

    Hi Saab! I rarely comment on your blog but I love reading everything on here. I got married at 24 and got pregnant a year after. But sometimes, I am thinking that maybe I should’ve waited a few years more to have a baby. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son to the moon and back. But with everything around us now, I sometimes wonder if I’m really ready to bring another person into this world. And I admire you for having this kind of thinking, really. Being a parent (as I am one) is a HUGE responsibility. And maybe this is why people in this country are having kids left and right without even the capabilities to support and give these kids a better life; maybe because of the tradition in this country – of being expected to have babies one after another after getting married. You should actually be a role model for young couples out there; maybe that will solve the poverty in this country. I also get offended when people would actually come up to me saying it’s time I have another kid because my son is now almost 10 years old. I mean, seriously? One kid is all that me and my husband can afford right now so everybody could shut up. Sometimes I just snap back at them that I will have another kid if they will sponsor everything – from diapers to college education.

    I feel sad for that girl. Wala nang tama sa mga tao sa social media. Magpakasal ka sasabihin buntis ka kaagad, pag di ka naman nagkaanak agad sasabihin baog. Di ba pwedeng smart lang at nagpaplano? Mygahd!

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 7, 2016

      Hi, Mina! Thanks for taking the time to write a comment! I admire your responsibility when it comes to having children. You can’t feed them with love. Kailangan ng pambili ng gatas.

      • Reply

        Mina

        June 7, 2016

        Haha I can relate to this post one way or another so I just had to comment. When I was still in bf/gf phase, our neighbors would often gossip that I’m already pregnant and when no baby was born after 9 months they began gossiping that I either had the baby aborted or I was “baog”. Then when I got married, it was all the rage within the chismosas. They were all thinking “this is it, she’s pregnant” and no baby came after a year (because we waited for year before conceiving) so I was baog again. I am laughing about it now but damn if I don’t get riled up about this topic sometimes.

  48. Reply

    RR

    June 7, 2016

    Ambait mo naman saab! :)

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 7, 2016

      NAKS thanks

  49. Reply

    Jas

    June 7, 2016

    Oh yes to pizza babies! Love this entry, Saab ❤

    -35yo momma

  50. Reply

    Lemski

    June 8, 2016

    Hello, Saab,

    Your story hits home because I’ve often been asked and “encouraged” to have children of my own. I got married when I was 24, and now 8 years later, we still don’t have kids, and neither is my husband pressuring me to have one, thank God. We’re also not planning to have one at all, although if a baby comes along–because life can be full of surprises–we’ll be happy to welcome him/her into our lives with open arms.

    I’ve heard all types of suggestions and questions about getting pregnant and having children, and while some were downright offensive, most were, like what you believe, were well meaning. But sometimes I just hope they can find other things to talk about marriage other than having babies.

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 8, 2016

      Yes, we just need to be understanding with the questions because I’m sure they mean no harm. *sigh

  51. Reply

    sam

    June 8, 2016

    My partner and I have talked that we didn’t want to have kids. But if we will, we won’t have ones of our own. We believed there’s no shortage of unloved children in the world, so we’d rather adopt one or two once we’re both 30+, rich and having all the time in the world (cue in Vicki Belo’s example). Preparing myself for a deluge of similar comments, especially, “Paano mo mamahalin yun kung di mo kadugo”. Ugh. Haha.

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 8, 2016

      So nice of you! That’s how I feel about dog breeding. I feel bad for all the stray dogs without homes. :( Also, I think Vicki Belo used a surrogate so technically that’s her DNA?:)

  52. Reply

    JC

    June 8, 2016

    On point Saab! I am 37 years old and experienced miscarriage twice but having said that, my hubby and I don’t feel that it should be the end of the world for us. I got married rather late as a choice and my then bf knew the chances we had on having kids. It took us a ear to try but failed na twice. I am blessed that I have very understanding husband. He always tells me that he knew from the start what he was getting into. He always assured me that he married me because he wants to spend his life with me. A baby will be a nice blessing but if we will not be blessed by one, then so be it. Minsan lang talaga maraming tao na tactless at di marunong to respect boundaries. Sorry sa haba, di ko mapigilan magcomment.

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 8, 2016

      Aww I admire your strong relationship! God bless you two :)

  53. Reply

    Lui

    June 8, 2016

    My first time here and first time to comment as I can’t help myself to admire ur post Saab! This is so very true! Same situation here tho I got married when I was 28 turning 29 years old and still very much happily married after more than 3 years of childless marriage ? I understand that my biological clock is ticking, but I don’t want to force myself or my hubby to have children soon as I don’t want to force my perspectives to other people. I’m still enjoying my husband…just the two of us together with both sides of our family…am I being selfish? I don’t think so. Selfish are those who can’t even feed their children and take good care of them. Thanks for this post and it really inspired me to just go on with MY life and be a great citizen of this world! ?

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 8, 2016

      Yay!! Welcome to my blog and feel free to stick around <3

  54. Reply

    Mowmi

    June 8, 2016

    I know how you feel girl!
    I married at a young age and have been happily married to my husband for four years.
    And while we were still engaged and planning our wedding we already decided not to have kids right away, but instead focus on work and other prioritiesin life. Living in Europe, the issue of not having kids was never really a problem, colleagues understood right away why we had made that decision, because they themselves could relate or they knew someone who was on the same boat as we are.
    The only time the topic of not having kids got awkward was during family reunions and other gatherings with fellow Filipinos ,where your relatives and friendsthink that they have the right to comment about your life and throw hurtful words like:
    -Ang tagal nyo nang mag-asawa bakit wala pa kayong anak? Or
    -Bakit pa kayo nag-asawa, diba yun nga ang purpose ng pagaasawa? Para magka-anak
    -Sino sa inyo may problema? Nagpatingin na ba kayo sa doctor?
    Of course, as a person raised well by my parents I would just smile and try to divert to a different topic.
    But deep down inside I feel annoyed and hurt.
    Annoyed because I do not think that they have the right to tell you when you and your husband are supposed to have baby.
    And hurt because they do not realize that they already have crossed the line.

    Ps:
    This is my answer to the person on comment numero dos (I’m sorry i could’nt tell this to you face to face because I know that you wouldn’t be able to handle it and it would only ruin our relationship but instead I have to rant bout it on the comment section of someone else’s blog lol)
    The purpose of marriage is to unite two people who love each other. So if someone cannot bear children because they physically/genetically do not have any capability to, are you going to say that their marriage is corrupt?

    Thanks Saab for writing about this on your blog and I wish you all the best!

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 8, 2016

      Very well said!!

  55. Reply

    Louise Ramos

    June 8, 2016

    This is the best thing I’ve read in a blog in a long time! Go Saab! Kaloka comment ni ate gurl. Why rush? You look genuinely happy with Jim (and Joey!) right now and that’s what matters. ❤️
    xo, Lou | Caffeine Rush

  56. Reply

    Leah

    June 8, 2016

    I love this! <3

    My husband an I have been married for a year and are constantly being pressured into having a baby. We think it's OK to wait – to enjoy each other first before having a baby.

  57. Reply

    edsprayrun

    June 8, 2016

    We’re married last 12-13-14 and still dont have a baby. Its our choice, we have plans and enjoying the current stage of being just husband and wife. We’ll get there and looking forward to have our children in the near future being mother and father.

  58. Reply

    Wanderlust

    June 8, 2016

    Thanks for writing this!!! Relate. Married for 2 years now. :) no baby but enjoying my married life :)

  59. Reply

    Frannywanny

    June 8, 2016

    Dear Saab,

    This entry really hit home for me. My hubs and I have been married for 6 years and for at least the first 3 years, I’d get that same “may baby na kayo?” question in different variations and languages every.single.time. Sometimes, if I’m in the mood, I’d be more creative with my answer but more often than not I just want to give them the evil eye and say… NO. One family friend event went to the extent of lecturing me about waiting too long and even not-so-discreetly suggested we consider IVF. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from telling her off. Sadly, a lot of people are quite narrow-minded and instead of following the cardinal rule of keeping their mouths shut if they don’t have anything nice to say, they’d rather proceed with doing small talk which eventually leads to greater damages.

    Anyway, before I end up writing an entire mala-blog post comment here. My only advice to you is to just ignore all those comments and focus on one another. Enjoy your married life and grow together. After a while, they’ll get tired in asking and will eventually move on to the next newly married couple. :)

    • Reply

      Saab

      June 9, 2016

      Thank you!

  60. Reply

    arlene

    June 8, 2016

    i really can relate to this issue saab. when i got married, they were asking me if i was pregnant. i said it’s not the reason why i was getting married. i was so fed up with people always asking me if i was pregnant already. nakakapikon di ba? and when i had my 1st kid after 5yrs of getting married, they again asked when i was planning on having my 2nd child. and when i had my 2nd son they were asking why i already had my ligation when i do not have a baby girl yet. people always want to have a say in our lives.

    when i read ur article, i said we are on the same footing. just enjoy ur married life because once you have kids, your time will be devoted to them without you knowing it. it is really fulfilling to be a mom. but be a wife first and everything will fall into its proper place. it is much better to be ready to have kids and just enjoy life.

    May God bless you with lovable and adorable kids in His time. ???????

  61. Reply

    Christie

    June 9, 2016

    Gosh! We can`t really please anyone…
    You`re 26 and married.. enjoying your commitment and at the same time having the time of your life.
    Way to go.. never get tired of answering narrow-minded people and let them shame their selves. :)

  62. Reply

    Yan

    June 9, 2016

    YES! THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS! Hindi pa kami kinakasal ng long-time boyfriend ko at palaging sinasabi ng family at friends namin na dapat before 30, may anak na kami. We have no concrete plans for marriage at lalong wala sa isip namin ang babies. We feel like we’re not responsible enough. LOL . We plan on having cats and dogs in the future though. I really hope people would just stop being too traditional and be more realistic. People should marry for LOVE, in their own time, in their own pace. Not for convenience or pressure from everyone. Not even for our biological clock! Thank you for this Saab. I really look up to your relationship with Jim. You both are very inspiring. More power to you both! xo

  63. Reply

    Zandz

    June 9, 2016

    I love your thoughts about marriage, family, and having kids.. We are all uniquely different.. I for one decided to get married because of love and “we” decided not to have kid/kids at all..

    Super hate ko yong ngsasabing bakit ayaw mong magkaanak sinu mgaalaga sayo pagtanda mo.. Never kong magiging reason yon para mgkaanak.. But of course I have to understand their perspective..

  64. Reply

    Erika

    June 9, 2016

    I feel you Saab. I have only been married for four months yet my husband and I have already received a ton of (unsolicited) advise on how to get pregnant. It’s not that we don’t want to have a baby but we just don’t want to plan it yet. I believe a baby will come in God’s time. As of now, I just want to enjoy my role as a wife and be happy with my husband. All this peer pressure about getting pregnant (no matter how you ignore it) can really spoil the happiness sometimes. Anyhoo, enjoy all the pizza burger babies you makin and just live the life the way you want it. Ignore the haters and stay in love <3

  65. Reply

    brandylovesvintage

    June 9, 2016

    thank you saab for this! i stumbled your page through gmanews fb page. anyway, i agree about the previous commenters. and, i felt so sorry for narrow-minded people. not all primates with uterus should have kids. this is especially true in our modern society. besides, one can be considered a “mother” even without kids.

    tip: adopt a pet instead of procreating.

  66. Reply

    Nyze

    June 11, 2016

    I had a kid when I was 18 and sad to say isa ako dun sa mga “naano lang” so I had to go through it on my own with the help of the family. I must say it was a struggle dahil nagaaral ako then I need to provide for my kid as well so ndi talaga ko prepared. Plus I didnt have the chance na maenjoy ang life na all gimik. Lakwatsa dun at lakwatsa jan. I have no regrets, my kid is a blessing na kung may pde akong tanggalin sa past ko.. ndi sia un. Now, I am with somebody for 8 years and thankfully tinanggap nia kami na package deal and up to know wala pa kaming anak of our own. Nabubuwisit din ako sa mga nagtatanong na porke 13 yrs old na yung anak ko, eh kailangan ng sundan. Ngayon ko pa lang naeenjoy yung may somebody to lakwatsa with and explore things. Of course with my son kaya Im so happy. Prang ndi ko pa kaya ulet magkababy kc parang natrauma ko sa past experience. Its our choice naman na ndi pa sia sundan so we are enjoying life as it is kaya naaasar din ako sa mga nagtatanong ng.. “Wala pa bang kasunod ang panganay mo? Ang laki na nia ah.” at “Sundan mo na yan. Ang laki na ng age gap.” EH ANO NAMAN? LOL!

    Nashare ko to kasi mahirap talaga yung ndi ka prepared magkababy. Ang daming fear. Ang daming what ifs. So tama lang Saabae na wag magpapressure. It’s your life. It should be run by no one else but you. F those who can’t keep their stupid comments for themselves.

    Keep on smiling! ♥
    * From your #1 Lurker Ü

  67. Reply

    Emme

    June 13, 2016

    Ang bastos ng ibang tao ha! It’s so rude to pester people about it. I mean kahit na artista ka (naks) and people somehow feel like your personal lives are fair game… ang bastos pa din! What makes people think it’s acceptable to comment on something like that? Grrr!

    One of my close friends in the Philippines has fertility problems. People would keep pestering her and her husband, asking when they would have kids, insensitive to the anguish that they are going through at not being able to conceive. It got so bad she ended up cutting a lot of people (including family members) out of her life. Infertility is not something to be joked about.

    I live overseas now… there are a LOT of childfree (and I say “childfree” and not “childless” because they chose not to have kids by choice) couples here. I have some older Pinoy friends who have been married for a while now (mga ~8 years — they got married early to mid 20s) and they tell me EVERY time they go home they get asked about having kids… but they don’t want kids talaga. So buti nalang andito sila na mas accepted ang childfree couples. They were never really super atat to have kids anyway and they’re still enjoying going on adventures and hiking and traveling and they know they don’t want to give up that lifestyle.

    “I just need people to stop being so jaded thinking it’s the only reason people get married—so they can have children.”
    Side note: I have the feeling that a lot of these people don’t believe in gay marriage because of that reason… you can’t have children, so why get married? Duh… people get married not just to have kids. (And same-sex couples have options din naman — like adoption or surrogacy.)

  68. Reply

    Joelle Aguas

    June 15, 2016

    Ate Saab! I find it very nice of you to protect the child from online bullying :) That was so sweet ~

  69. Reply

    rixbajns

    July 6, 2016

    And you are making the right decision. There’s nothing wrong with NOT having a lil Saab or Jim Jr. YET. Sure, babies are a blessing but it’s not just 18 years of responsibility. It’s actually the rest of ur life. Although, at that age they can live independently, but still they’re gonna be your obligation. So yeah.
    At 26, I had a 7-yr old and a 1-yr old. They’re my life, of course. I don’t regret having them, of course. But if I imagine, what if, at that age my only responsibility was myself. I could’ve done what I wanted before getting myself into it.
    If you’re not ready yet, don’t. Time will come you’ll be. ?

    • Reply

      Saab

      July 14, 2016

      Thanks :)

  70. Reply

    Malen

    October 24, 2017

    Love this! #diakonagiisa 😊😊😊

  71. Reply

    Bliss

    October 26, 2017

    My gulay! Is it really impossible to show some respect and just be happy with people and their choices? Why do people need to impose their thoughts to others. Haaay.. you do this, people will have a say. You don’t do this, they will have a lot of things to say. People are never satisfied with what they see. Hay, just my sentiments. BTW, you are such a nice person to blur out the girl’s name because I really wanted to know her so I could maybe just view her page, or maybe stalk, or maybe ask.. or bully? Haha, nah! At the end of the day, you define your own happiness. It’s just sad that people are really so judgmental and insensitive. So do what your heart tells you to after all People will never stop talking so who cares? Haha. And oh, congrats! You are really so pretty. And I know ypu will be a great mom!

    • Reply

      Saab

      October 26, 2017

      Hi Bliss! I agree. You really can’t please everybody, so why bother?:P Thank you!

  72. Reply

    iceicebb

    October 26, 2017

    Hi Saab,

    your blog is such an inspiration, me i got married at 26 also but after marriage siguro 1 week my husband went back to taiwan for work so we really don’t have time, after 3 years he come back and tryin out to have a baby, nagpaalaga ako sa OB 3 OB na actually and found out same result my PCOS daw ako, so lahat sila pinatake ako ng Metformin, folic acid and pills nu umalis husband q uli, pra maregular mens q, after 45 days umalis uli sya, i went to taiwan last sept on his birthday and at the same time malay mo baka may mabuo so stop muna pills, i took duphaston and sakto naman ovulation ko ng pumunta aq but unfortunately wala pa din nabuo. I am lucky to my husband kasi he understand me well, i was desperate on having my own kasi feeling ko mageexpire na matres q hahaha Im 29 now, and halos lahat na makasalubong qng friend ang tanong kailan ka magkakababy even my batchmate lahat sila ata my baby na, kahit family q ang laging tanong di pa kau nagkakabay, hay nakakadagdag s stress sya promise, kaya sabi q na lang, yaan mo na darating na lang yan in God’s perfect time. Thank you for sharing and congrats on havinga twins i wish you the best, stay healthy and keep on inspiring people.
    😙
    ICE

    • Reply

      Saab

      October 26, 2017

      Hi Ice! Sorry to hear about your troubles! Basta focus on your marriage and happiness – kebs sa mga pakialamero <3 Stay strong!

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