In between late night gigs with my band and traveling with my family and friends, does my whole vibe scream that I am so desperately trying to bear a child?
Just a short while after getting married, I went to a get-together with some college friends. Jim was catching up with his friends who were smoking outside, I stayed inside with two girls both of whom were newly engaged. They asked me when they were to expect my baby. When I told them that I wasn’t thinking of having any until maybe 3 or 4 years they looked utterly shocked. I asked them, “Oh, are you planning to have a baby right away?” One of them nodded with a look in her face that said MALAMANG. The other said, “Well.. Yeah, I guess.”
In every family reunion and wedding I attend, I’m often asked if I’m already pregnant. I get offended because I immediately think they’re trying to say Laki ng puson mo, girl. But I know it’s just their way of saying We’re excited for you to have a baby! I’m not going to wash my hands clean of this “tradition.” I’ve gotten so accustomed to it as a topic for small talk that I’ve used the, “O kayo, kailan na?” line more than once. Believe me, I threw up a little whenever I did. I’m so sorry if I ever asked you that question. Please know that I didn’t mean to pressure you.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the average time between tying the knot and having kids in the United States is about 3 years. So maybe it’s not such an absurd thing to wait. To me, having a baby is not just cutesy baby photos and sweet, sweet kisses from my little siopao-cheeked child. It’s 18 years of my life that I will have to dedicate to a human being. I mean, fine, I’ve dedicated my life to Jim when I married him but he’s a grown up! I don’t have to make sure I don’t drop him when I’m feeding him or remind him to look both ways before crossing the street.
To everybody who has asked me when I plan to have a baby, I know you’re just excited and I really appreciate your show of support. I don’t find it offensive at all! To everybody else, like this CHILD who left a comment on my Instagram…
I blurred her photo and username so people don’t attack her online. I guess I’m a lot more mature than I used to be. What do you know, maybe I am ready to have kids! LOLJK! But thanks for getting me riled up enough to write a blog post today. Sure wish her mommy had given her more attention.
Some people thought I got knocked up and that’s why I was getting married at only 26.
Can you believe?? A 26-year-old getting married?? WHO EVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING???????
It’s been over a year and that poor burger-pizza hybrid in my stomach that people mistook for a baby is now gone. I obviously wasn’t pregnant, I was just a little chubs. And right now, Jim and I are still not trying to have children. It’s a choice we both made and I respect other couples for choosing to have kids right after marriage, too.
I just need people to stop being so jaded thinking it’s the only reason people get married—so they can have children.
Some people still get married plainly because they’re in love and they only want to make burger-pizza babies for now.