“Grabe, may boyfriend ka na, diba?”
“Hoy, may asawa ka na.”
“Nanay ka na, mahiya ka nga!”
A lot of people believe that being in a relationship means automatically being banned from talking to the opposite sex. I admit, I was once a very jealous girlfriend and I made a lot of rules up in my head about how people in relationships should behave. The rules I created (and society propagated) were obviously not the key to a healthy relationship.
A few weeks ago, Jim and I hung out with a group of people that included an ex-boyfriend of mine. Days later, I learned from Jim that one of our friends had asked him how he did it.
“He asked how I’m able to tolerate you and your ex talking right in front of me.”
I was surprised because I wasn’t SUPER friends with that ex of mine although we talked just as much as, if not much less than, everybody else in that group. I was conscious enough not to cross any line and I didn’t want to be inappropriate with our interaction. Jim reminded me that the friend who asked him was much younger and was going through a break-up of his own.
“I told him that just because you’re my wife and you have a ring on your finger, it doesn’t mean you’re my property.”
I was curious to hear the rest of his answer because I was ready for him to get upset and tell me off for speaking to someone I dated before him.
Jim told me that he took it as an opportunity to educate our younger friend about being in a relationship. “Sabi ko I won’t be able to control it if you find yourself falling in love with another person. All I can do is this: liligawan kita everyday para, hopefully, sa akin ka lang in love.”
You guessed it – I cried when he said that. As the youngins say: when will your fave ever?😭
Just the fact that he communicated this with me has made our relationship stronger. It’s true – we may have exchanged vows but let’s be real: I don’t want to stay married just because I’m not allowed to break a promise. I want to stay married because I’m head over feet in love with my partner. This goes for all relationships, not just married folk. Just because you say “I do” to committing to each other, it’s not a guarantee that you’re going to be together forever. It isn’t “period, no erase!” Relationships aren’t supposed to be a prison or a trap.
I just wanted to share wise words from my husband because I think more people need to think this way. Of course, it’s not a one-way street. I’m also constantly aiming for his affection. I guess the saying, “if you love someone, set them free” does not always pertain to the end. Trust that your relationship has a strong foundation, but don’t slack off and think that a label is enough to make things last.
As for that younger friend of ours, he was able to figure out what to do with his relationship and he bought his “kuya Jim” lunch to show his gratitude.👍🏻 Hehe. Yay, love!