Spell Saab

Q: Do you think being friends with your ex is wise? Is it alright to keep stuff that your ex gave you? Or is that insensitive to your present partner?

Britney & Justin in the 90's

Britney & Justin in the 90’s

A: I think it’s okay to be friends if your partner doesn’t mind. I think being friends is normal but to go out of your way to stay friends at the expense of your present partner’s feelings is a bit too much.

I kept a very nice letter that my boyfriend wrote me after we broke up because it was very sweet and honest. An ex of mine (the one after him) found it in my wallet and flushed it down the toilet. It was very mean because it was mine and he had no right to do that (also, it wasn’t very good for the environment to flush it down the toilet). I think he could have asked me why I kept it and I could have said DAHIL MAHAL KO PA SIYA BWISIT KA!!! Char.

But I guess you should ask yourself why you feel the need to keep some of the stuff your ex gave you. If it’s a nice pair of sneakers that you can still use, then it would be stupid to throw them away. If it’s a sweet card that reminds you that you once shared a bond together, I would understand that as well. Although I feel like it would make your partner feel inadequate.

In retrospect, I kept that letter in my wallet because I was honestly not completely over him at the time and it was a bad decision to jump into another relationship right after. I don’t think I own anything from my exes today because of my recent obsessive de-cluttering. I have a few drawings and letters in my Antipolo home I can think of at the moment but that’s not hurting anybody and I could probably give it to my future biographer. LELZ.

Communication is key. Like, Jim probably still has stuff from his exes at his parents’ house but I’m not gonna be all OMG THROW THEM AWAY RIGHT NOW. I’m preeeeeeeetty sure we’re in love (see: Jim’s vows) and those things don’t matter to either of us anyway. Jim’s right beside me so I asked him, too.

Jim: “I think the first question you should ask yourself is if it’s practical. It’s more understandable to keep it. I had a guitar from an ex. I kept it until I found a new guitar, which made it less practical for me to hold on to the other one. That aside, I think the way these gifts are kept or displayed kind of reflect how you feel about them. A letter in a box in your drawer is fine. It just means it’s at the back end of your heart. But if it’s framed on your wall, then it still represents who you are now.”
Me: “Should you keep it secret? That box in your drawer?”
Jim: “No. But you should only say so when you’re asked..”
Me: “So meron kang box???”
Jim: “Di ko maalala.”
Me: “Paano kung binigyan ako ng poster na naka-frame sa wall?”
Jim: “Ang mura mura lang ng poster eh..”
Me: “Paano kung signed Death Cab For Cutie na poster?”
Jim: “Eh akin na yun.”

Okay, I have to go look for a box now. Hahaha joke lang! I guess what I’m saying is if you guys are confident in your relationship, you should be thinking about your future and not if your boyfriend is keeping gifts from their exes. We also asked two of our guy friends Ali and Panch about what they thought. They said they still have the first letter from their first girlfriend. Not because they’re still in love but because “it’s nice.” Jim said, “it’s not a reminder of the person, it’s a reminder of the experience. Of a first love. Of a failed love.”

My final say: as long as it’s not an STD, keep it if you want.

What about you guys? What gifts have you kept? What have you thrown away? Why? Share your insight, it would really help!:)

♥,
Saab

February 26, 2016
March 1, 2016

Saab

38 Comments

  1. Reply

    Nica

    February 29, 2016

    I have an envelope of letters and tokens from a previous significant other. But my current boyfriend really doesn’t mind at all. His reason was that: things in your past, good or bad makes who you are now. In fact he is thankful for the exes in his life because they taught him to be the better boyfriend he is now. ^_^

    • Reply

      Saab

      February 29, 2016

      That’s really nice of him!! What a keeper :)

  2. Reply

    Chen

    February 29, 2016

    Lahat ng bigay sakin ng ex ko nasa akin pa, as in lahat! Haha. Sayang kasi yung memories

  3. Reply

    Carmi

    February 29, 2016

    Yes,practicality answers it all.Like yung akin band merch named glamour kills crop top shipped from US na super expensive and okay naman quality so I ak still using it.

  4. Reply

    dndzz

    February 29, 2016

    This post is so nice ! Esp.your convo with jim.hahaha ! Anyway, for me, Ive kept love letters and little gifts from my ex, theyre all in a box at my parents house. And quite honestly, i dont think i could throw them away. Not because i still love that person but because like what your friends said,”it’s just nice” :)

    I am very much in love with my current partner, though he does not know about the box hhaha. Unless, like what Jim said, if he asked, then I would not lie about it. :)) but I have to admit, I would definitely feel upset if I discovered that my partner still keeps letters or things from his ex. (I know I am being unfair and selfish,haha)

    I completely agree though, that as long as you are confident with your love for each other then you don’t have to worry about these things :)

  5. Reply

    Jecca

    February 29, 2016

    You’re right about practicality. I have a pair of sneakers and two bags from my ex that I don’t mind keeping hehe. Apart from those, his stuff like t-shirts, cologne, jackets I returned to him. While letters and receipts from our dates (ang highschool haha) I threw away in a ceremonial cleanup after our breakup lol. It really depends on the person. If throwing away or returning stuff is his/her way of moving on then why not ? Btw, ang cute lang nung reaction ni Jim sa DCFC signed poster. Kung may ganun din current boyf ko from his ex akin na rin yun! Hahaha

  6. Reply

    Angela

    February 29, 2016

    I still have a box that has most of the gifts my ex gave me and i have 2 reasons for keeping it.
    1) i’m not completely over him so i guess it’s still hard for me to completely let go of everything we had.
    2) those gifts are now just reminders and memories of the love we once shared and i personally think it would be a waste to just throw all of those things away just because we aren’t together anymore.
    One day, i look forward to opening up that box again just to look back at the fun memories we had while we were together. :)

  7. Reply

    Jack

    February 29, 2016

    I have a crap load of shirts, broken expensive headphones, two books I never finished and smaller memorabilia of a dysfunctional relationship :))

  8. Reply

    Ne.

    February 29, 2016

    He gave me a Givenchy bag and a Technomarine watch (aint bragging) but when we broke up, i asked his mom should i return it bec they’re too much to keep, his mom refused kasi akin daw un. Then i realized wag na pala, baka i-recycle pa nya sa new gf nya. LOL

    • Reply

      Saab

      March 1, 2016

      KEEP!! Hahaha

  9. Reply

    rael

    February 29, 2016

    i found out some 10 + yrs later that my friend kept the love letter i gave her when i was courting her back in hi-skul (i got dumped). it was embarrassing but made me proud at the same time. hahaha!

  10. Reply

    Anne

    February 29, 2016

    I really love your relationship with Jim. Parang ang weird nyo pero at the same time, youre so cute and adorbs to look at. Yong parang your each other’s weirdos.. naks

  11. Reply

    lois

    February 29, 2016

    To be honest, it’s a case to case basis girls. :Kung yan ay stuffs or letters from your first love or girlfriend it would be totally fine. Pero, of those stuffs were from a very relationship I may say HINDI OKAY YON. Lalonna kung may bago ka ng karelasyon. I call it respect sa bago, you must throw the things that you and your ex had like pictures nyo together, sa laptop, sa phone and emails, lahat. Masasaktan lang yung bago mo and mapaparamdam mo lang na di kapa nakakapagmoved on and worst case scenario, you still have feelings for your ex. *Hugot* What I’m trying to say is, para maiwasan makadakit ng iba kung may hang over pa sa ex mo, mag lay low ka muna. Chill lang ba. Kase, yung pinalit mo sa ex mo bibigay nya yung tiwala nya sayo at alam nyang ginusto mo yung relasyon. Nandamay kapa sa pagiging broken hearted mo ng walang kamalay malay na loyal at faithful na sana iba nalang yung nakinabang. Yun lang. :)

  12. Reply

    eM

    March 1, 2016

    “My final say: as long as it’s not an STD, keep it if you want” HAHAHAHAH soo funny girl!

  13. Reply

    SHW

    March 1, 2016

    I kept a few stuff from exes after the breakup but after some time, those stuff became irrelevant in my life and decided to either throw them away or give them away (a bracelet and pair of earrings).

    I agree with you that if you are both confident in your relationship, the past will not matter and it should not be a big issue. And if you find something in a box somewhere, that only means that most of the guys doesn’t have the patience to declutter. I don’t think they even remember that they kept all those stuff. :D

    • Reply

      Saab

      March 1, 2016

      So true about guys forgetting all about that “memory box.” Case in point: Jim. Hahaha

  14. Reply

    Justine

    March 1, 2016

    Can I ask something? What if your boyfriend still own the picture of her ex in his wallet? It should be thrown away or nahhh? Like duhhhh (bakit ako wala sa wallet mo hahaha) thanks! ;)

    • Reply

      Saab

      March 3, 2016

      Ummmm kung picture, girl, sunugin na dapat yun. Walang place yun sa wallet niya!! Hahahaaha

  15. Reply

    JM

    March 1, 2016

    I keep lots of letter from my ex like since hs to college- that would weigh kilos by now. And my boyfriend knows everything about it. Also his gifts, i use them so often. :) I could let my bf use them, too ha ha ha!!

  16. Reply

    GERBY

    March 1, 2016

    me! me!
    I have a box with wrappers of chocolates kahit balot ng junk food, yung bigay ng manliligaw ko dati, yung first gift for the “First Monthsary”, written letters (soooo sweett ee <3)
    (yung box, naghanap talaga ako ng maganda sa National Bookstore :D, para naman kahit luma na maayos pa din hahaha)

    I kept them kasi may mga date na nakasulat sa wrappers, and minsan ka lang naman magiging high school sa buhay mo why not diba? :)

    Di ko naman laging dala nasa bahay namin sa Probinsya , makes me smile everytime nakikita ko yung Box :)

    And my present Boyfriend is totally okay with that,
    pinakaimportante naman kung sino ang kasama mo ngayon :)

    what a wonderful experience haha kung makapag salita ako sorry feeling matanda haha. I'm just 21

    • Reply

      Saab

      March 3, 2016

      I remember keeping a Fox’s mint candy given to me by my crush in grade school. When I checked my box years later, empty na yung wrapper kinain yata ng langgam or something!! Hahaha

  17. Reply

    Ely

    March 1, 2016

    I suggest you read Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up!! She says you should only keep things that make you feel grateful. Lol.

    • Reply

      Saab

      March 3, 2016

      GIRL, love that book hahaha. Kaya nga ako nagka obsessive decluttering phase :))

  18. Reply

    Victoria Avi

    March 1, 2016

    OMG. Totoo ba yung exchange na yun with Jim? Super natawa ako sa last part na “eh akin na yun.” That guy is a keeper Saabae! haha

    Love lots!

    • Reply

      Saab

      March 3, 2016

      Totoong totoo haha! :)

  19. Reply

    Grems

    March 1, 2016

    I also have a letter from my ex-boyfriend that I kept in my closet. It has been there since like forever – highschool days (pero sobrang tagal ko nanag naka move-on its just that I forgot that its there hahaha) I showed it to my current boyfriend, and he said that I could keep it if I want to – and I appreciated that but you know that “sense” na parang nagseselos yung guy so he just says okay instead? Lol. Yun pala, he was writing me a letter better than my ex’s so I threw my ex’s letter na lang. Ayaw paawat!! Hahaha.

    Ako naman, if a guy still has some stuff from the previous relationship, as long as he is not cheating on me, and the ex-girlfriend is not a psycho, then keribels. He can keep it but I hope he’s no longer crazy about the memories, lol. If I found out naman na he is cheating on me with the ex-girlfriend, magsama silang mga psychos. I don’t need stress in this beautiful life. CHAROT!!!!!!!

    • Reply

      Saab

      March 3, 2016

      Tama!!

  20. Reply

    Lorraine Fernandez

    March 2, 2016

    Yes, it’s okay to keep things from your exes because somehow it is considered yours. And it’s a reminder about the love you once had. I still have the shirt and pillow my ex gave me because I’m using it. Haha! And the letters that help me to write about romance haha!

    • Reply

      Saab

      March 3, 2016

      Oh yeah, I still have my exes shirts for pambahay hehe

  21. Reply

    Tara Bianca

    March 4, 2016

    Hey Saab! :)
    I created a scrap book for my ex and i didn’t have a chance to give it because we broke up.. I don’t know what to do with it. Di ko sure kung tatapon ko nasayangan kasi ako sa effort ko at sa materials.. lol.

  22. Reply

    Cece

    March 4, 2016

    Before I got married, I threw away all the letters and gifts from my exes lalo na do’n sa mga hindi ko ka-“in good terms”, but meron pa rin natira like a stuffed toy (which I left in my parent’s house), a few books and a very, very cute bookmark that I really like. I keep them because all books are precious and the bookmark’s really cute!!! I doubt I’ll ever find one with the same design. Pero no feelings attached na with those things, so I guess it’s okay.

  23. Reply

    Louise

    March 5, 2016

    I have an ex who gave me an iPhone. At first, I wasn’t planning on getting rid of it cos it was a gift naman diba but when I found out na niloko nya lang pala ako kaya we broke up, I felt the need to get rid of it (I even thought of throwing it away haha). Pero syempre I just sold it nalang. Nagka pera pa ako lol. I think it’s because it reminds me of him so much and ang dami naming memories related to that phone. I didn’t want to keep anything associated with him.

  24. Reply

    Justine Faith Basilla

    March 7, 2016

    I still have the necklace which my ex gave me as a birthday present. I still wear it because sayang naman pag tinapon ko. Wala namang masama kung gamitin ko pa din, di ba? :)

  25. Reply

    JC

    March 7, 2016

    I don’t think i have anymore stuff. Pero i have pictures on my laptop nung mga food na we had during dates. It’s food shots naman and when i see it, i don’t think about my ex, i think about how good the food was. Hahaha.

  26. Reply

    Tsikiboom

    March 20, 2016

    I’m sorry, I’m late to the party! Busy with new job so I’m reading everything now.

    I kept all letters sent to me by an ex-boyfriend. At one point, I got super angry at him (wala na kami ha!), I tore all the letters — but did not throw them away. Di ko na maalala why kept all the little pieces in the same box. After a couple of years, I de-cluttered and saw this box hidden inside my cabinet. The next thing I did was probably one of the craziest/weirdest things I’ve done in my life: I taped all the broken pieces back together and read each letter one last time. When I finished reading the last one, I threw them all in a bin and burned ’em. I had a good laugh when I told friends about it. ?

    • Reply

      Saab

      March 29, 2016

      Awww it was probably therapeutic for you to read and get rid of the letters!

  27. Reply

    Sam Araque

    March 27, 2016

    I once kept the first love letter I received from my first crush (grade school pa yun. haha!). It was my favorite since it also has that coffee smell on it. But when I was cleaning my stuff with my mom, she found the letter on my wallet. And before she opened it, I immediately take it away from her and had no choice but to throw it away into pieces. Hahahaha. But up until now, medyo nanghihinayang pa rin ako na hindi ko natago yung letter na yun.

    Just sharing :) First time ko mag-comment dito. Kiligs.

    • Reply

      Saab

      March 29, 2016

      Hahaha awwww!

LEAVE A COMMENT

RELATED POSTS