Q: Do you think being friends with your ex is wise? Is it alright to keep stuff that your ex gave you? Or is that insensitive to your present partner?
A: I think it’s okay to be friends if your partner doesn’t mind. I think being friends is normal but to go out of your way to stay friends at the expense of your present partner’s feelings is a bit too much.
I kept a very nice letter that my boyfriend wrote me after we broke up because it was very sweet and honest. An ex of mine (the one after him) found it in my wallet and flushed it down the toilet. It was very mean because it was mine and he had no right to do that (also, it wasn’t very good for the environment to flush it down the toilet). I think he could have asked me why I kept it and I could have said DAHIL MAHAL KO PA SIYA BWISIT KA!!! Char.
But I guess you should ask yourself why you feel the need to keep some of the stuff your ex gave you. If it’s a nice pair of sneakers that you can still use, then it would be stupid to throw them away. If it’s a sweet card that reminds you that you once shared a bond together, I would understand that as well. Although I feel like it would make your partner feel inadequate.
In retrospect, I kept that letter in my wallet because I was honestly not completely over him at the time and it was a bad decision to jump into another relationship right after. I don’t think I own anything from my exes today because of my recent obsessive de-cluttering. I have a few drawings and letters in my Antipolo home I can think of at the moment but that’s not hurting anybody and I could probably give it to my future biographer. LELZ.
Communication is key. Like, Jim probably still has stuff from his exes at his parents’ house but I’m not gonna be all OMG THROW THEM AWAY RIGHT NOW. I’m preeeeeeeetty sure we’re in love (see: Jim’s vows) and those things don’t matter to either of us anyway. Jim’s right beside me so I asked him, too.
Jim: “I think the first question you should ask yourself is if it’s practical. It’s more understandable to keep it. I had a guitar from an ex. I kept it until I found a new guitar, which made it less practical for me to hold on to the other one. That aside, I think the way these gifts are kept or displayed kind of reflect how you feel about them. A letter in a box in your drawer is fine. It just means it’s at the back end of your heart. But if it’s framed on your wall, then it still represents who you are now.”
Me: “Should you keep it secret? That box in your drawer?”
Jim: “No. But you should only say so when you’re asked..”
Me: “So meron kang box???”
Jim: “Di ko maalala.”
Me: “Paano kung binigyan ako ng poster na naka-frame sa wall?”
Jim: “Ang mura mura lang ng poster eh..”
Me: “Paano kung signed Death Cab For Cutie na poster?”
Jim: “Eh akin na yun.”
Okay, I have to go look for a box now. Hahaha joke lang! I guess what I’m saying is if you guys are confident in your relationship, you should be thinking about your future and not if your boyfriend is keeping gifts from their exes. We also asked two of our guy friends Ali and Panch about what they thought. They said they still have the first letter from their first girlfriend. Not because they’re still in love but because “it’s nice.” Jim said, “it’s not a reminder of the person, it’s a reminder of the experience. Of a first love. Of a failed love.”
My final say: as long as it’s not an STD, keep it if you want.
What about you guys? What gifts have you kept? What have you thrown away? Why? Share your insight, it would really help!:)